Slacker

Let's face it, I'm a slacker.  A slacker at blogging, at cleaning, hell even lately I'm slacking at watching T.V., my DVR hasn't been this full in months.  I'm sure that some of you notice that it has been a long time since I have complained about dealing with school work, well that's because I'm a graduate.  Yes it's true, 3 1/2 years and $70,000 later I got a small piece of paper in the mail saying I now have a Bachelor's Degree.  I dreamed of this time.  I thought about all of the things I could get accomplished when I didn't have to spend hours doing or complaining about homework.  Well the time has come and I have turned into a first class slacker.

I still clean the same amount I did before (just enough), I don't blog as much as I would like, and I sometimes feel that I don't even give as much attention to Mason as I should.  All of this so called "free time" I thought I would have is now consumed by going to bed at a decent hour (I didn't realize how much of my homework got done around 2 am) and reading.  Oh man have I been reading.  I discovered our wonderful local library and I have been going through about a book a day.  I know... nerd alert!  Well I think it is time to put down the books and get motivated.

It is time to face the facts that I need a J.O.B. bad.  I have a lot (a looottt) of student loans to pay off.  I don't want, or expect, my husband to pay these off since I am the one that made the (misguided) choice to go to the school I attended.  Leaving Mason is not going to happen.  I can't.  Literally I cannot imagine leaving my son to go to a job that would barely cover what I would have to pay the babysitter.  It just isn't worth it to me.  Since my options are basically limited to starring in internet porn or babysitting for another family I have decided to (obviously) become a babysitter.  Unless any of you have a better idea for how to make money from home without leaving my child that doesn't involve a scam or getting naked :)

This new venture isn't ideal, but it will hopefully allow me to earn enough to pay off my loans and stay home with Mason.  I'm sure it will take some adjusting to but it's better than the alternative. Let's just hope I find someone willing to let me watch their child while I have Mason and pay me lots too!

Hardest. Job. Ever.

I've done a lot of things that I have considered to be difficult, even at times thinking it was the hardest thing that I've ever had to do.  Oh if I only knew...

Waitressing at 16 while shy and completely clumsy. Hard.

Waitressing at 18 while shy and completely clumsy to stuck up Orange County people. Hard

Spending most of the first year of our marriage in different countries. Hard

Selling underwear and bras to stuck up people. Hard

Managing the people selling underwear to stuck up people. Hard

Selling underwear to men that think it is okay to try on a thong and show you (true story, sadly). Hard.

Selling underwear and working 45-50 hours a week while really fat and really pregnant. Hard.

Labor. Hard.

Breastfeeding. Hard.

Sleep Training a very strong willed toddler. Hardest. Job. Ever.

Lord help me if it gets worse than this.

Bye-bye Binky ???

Let me just start this tale by saying that I know that I should have taken away his binky (paci, pacifier, sucky, whatever you call it) a long time ago.  In fact we probably should have never even given it to him since he didn't really take to it until he was about 3 or 4 months old; but my God did the child learn to love that damn thing.  He would take it all day every day if I would let him, he even learned a way of holding it to the side of his mouth to talk around it and I've seen him hold it in his mouth during a sneeze.  They were the best of friends, which I think is why the last 3 weeks have been (mostly) pure hell.

I decided to take away the binky about 3 weeks ago now and for the first week we were golden.  The first night he asked for it and cried, but after that it wasn't mentioned again and he was going to bed like normal - awake and calming himself down into sleep.  Then the flip switched.  I don't know what happened but the child must have figured out that the binky was gone for good.  He would scream, cry, bang his head, and thrash around.  This was at nap time and bed time too.  I have actually been able to lift more weight at the gym and my arms are looking more toned and I didn't know why; then it dawned on me, having a WWE wrestling match with a 30 pound toddler for 30 minutes twice a day can build up some serious muscle.

I thought the worst of it was over, we were going to get through it and get him back to a normal bedtime and nap time routine.  Then came the after nap screaming fits.  I don't think I can effectively put into words how freakin insane these have been.  They have brought me to tears, made me yell (which in turn brought me to even more tears because I felt like a mean mommy), and lasted for two weeks now.  Mason will wake up after about 40 - 60 minutes of sleep, which isn't enough, and scream, yell, and thrash for an average of 30 minutes.  He doesn't want to rock, lay down, sit on the couch, or even eat.  It is draining.  I have managed to get the fits down to about 5-10 minutes but they still go on every day.  He is waking up in a fit of rage with no binky to calm him and has an attack.

Hopefully the worst of it is over and we can return to normal.  If I had known it would be like this I might have waited, but then he would end up one of those 5 year old kids walking into Kindergarten with a binky hanging out of his mouth.  Lesson of the day, listen to ALL of the books and Dr.'s that say take away the binky by a year or before, they may just know what they are talking about.