There are a few things that I am beginning to learn are just rules of the universe, they cannot be avoided and cannot be changed.
1. When you change your child's diaper and are in a hurry to get out of the door, they will immediately poop in the fresh one.
2. If you clean a window or glass door, your child will immediately go lick it.
3. If food is a. expensive b. healthy or c. took you a long time to make, your child will throw it on the floor (or on you).
4. If food is a. cheap b. crap or c. you threw it together in 2 minutes, they will act like it is the best thing they have ever eaten.
5. If you expect your child to behave they will throw a fit, if you think they will throw a fit, they will be a perfect angel.
6. You child will have a meltdown in the middle of the grocery store (multiple times).
7. As above mentioned meltdown is taking place a snooty older woman will come by and either give you a condescending look or completely horrible parenting advice.
8. All of the childproofing materials in the world are not enough to stop a clever toddler.
9. Autumn mix candy corn must be consumed by the bag full, there is absolutely no way to resist its powers (or is this just me?).
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